Thoughts…

It’s December 22, 2011

I seriously miss TVXQ as five… 😥

It is really heartbreaking, every time the pain feels like it’s new to me…

That… I sometimes wish… I could go back in time

I wish I didn’t know them…

I wish I didn’t listen to their music…

I wish I didn’t bother searching their name on the net…

I wish I didn’t pay any attention when I saw the name TVXQ…

I wish the time to go back so that I don’t long for them…

so that I don’t miss them…

so that I don’t cry for them…

so that I wasn’t heartbroken like this because of them…

And so that I don’t love them…

The pain is unbearable that sometimes, thoughts like these are popping in my mind…

It feels like I wanted to regret loving TVXQ so much.

It feels like I wanted to regret knowing them.

That sometimes, I wanted to divert my attention to other groups… so I could somehow blind myself from the pain.

But the more I watch other groups’ performances…

The more I realize that no one can be compared to TVXQ

That they are just the BEST and NO ONE ELSE.

And the worst thing that I thought…

Is that I wanted to just move on and forget that all of these happened… Forget that TVXQ existed in my life…

Forget that I love TVXQ… 

But then.. loving them wasn’t a choice, neither an option nor a decision…

It was completely involuntary… I have fallen for them…

And I don’t know the reason why…

I couldn’t say because of the looks and their voices…

Because I know I’ll still love them even when TVXQ are a hundred year old guys who have grumpy faces and could no longer sing anymore…

And that’s why… I don’t know any reason why I’m gonna turn my back on them.

Forget that I love TVXQ?

I’ve thought of doing so but never found the guts to do it…

Every part of me refrains the idea.

They taught me how to love.

Just like a song,

I am just the lyrics, the body, the thought…

But with them…

I’m complete.

They are the rhythm, the harmony, the beat, the timbre and the melody that accompanies me.

They made life more wonderful, more colorful, sweeter and lovelier.

So how could I even forget you?

I don’t know the reasons..

Why am I saying this?

It’s because I just want you, TVXQ, to know…

that I may have these kind of thoughts… that I may wish not knowing you… that I may have thought about leaving you…

But please do remember the fact that they are just illusions…

I could never, ever do that.

It’ll make me incomplete.

Like a shoe without shoelaces…

Like a pool without water…

Like a pen without a paper…

Like a flower without petals…

Like a butterfly without its wings…

And a song without a melody.

I LOVE YOU, TVXQ!

I will always be a Cassie. 🙂

Remember what I said?

that if I were to have my second lifetime.. I’ll choose having this pain and longing than not having known you..

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