When I Became Older…

I’ve written this while listening to Music Box versions of DBSK’s songs… :”)

It just came to my mind… how would I be if I get older?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling at the things that would remind me of my fangirling days…

Red balloons…

stars…

letter W…

number 5…

the word ‘faith’…

Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be smiling unconsciously seeing an animal that I have always associated with them…

Rhinoceros… Elephants… Dolphins… Ducks… Rabbits… Deer…

My kids would probably ask Mommy why is she fond of taking these animals’ pictures while we are strolling around the zoo…

or why does Mommy is overly jealous with a random cat who crossed the street especially with the gray ones…

When I became older…

I’d probably be laughing remembering how I force myself to learn their hard choreography…

I bet I’d be boasting my kids how their mommy is a very good dancer during her teenage years…

I’d probably be tearing up remembering how dedicated I am to my boys… and how many dorky and random things I’ve done just for them…

That I once nearly crashed the mouse just because I wanted Yunho to win on allkpop poll…

That I once literally jumped out of happiness inside a department store just because I saw a Tohoshinki album…

That I slept with my wet pillow numerous nights already…

That I told my whole family that Jaejoong is in a relationship with me

That I once felt my blood boiled in anger reading that blogsite which I now hate, hate, hate…

That I’m once a trying hard Korean-speaker wanna be and tweets JYJ with senseless things

That I became a wise money spender just because I want to buy an album…

That I stayed up late at nights just to wait for the release of a new song…

That I always have this weird dreams about them…

That I always laugh in front of my laptop because I was replacing DBSK song titles with weird words…

That I actually visited an Anti site just to understand their reasons why they hate DBSK…

That I have a hard drive full of their videos only

That I registered myself in a Homin stan site just to download videos to add in my collection…

That I have written stories about me and Jaejoong or whoever member I want to pair myself up with

That I once filled a glass bottle with little red paper stars which contains reasons why I love DBSK…

That I never forget to thank God for introducing me DBSK…

And then I’d probably laugh hard remembering how I disliked DBSK at first

How I ignored them for years…

How I used to turn off that television whenever TVXQ or JYJ is in…

And how suddenly, after searching mirotic in youtube, in just an hour… the magical story began

When I became older…

I’d probably still be reminiscing how I fell in love with my boys…

Yeah, I’d probably still be calling them my boys…

Even if they’re older than me… or even if they have their own families already…

Because even if I became a mother, I would never forget how I felt like I’m the one who took care of DBSK…

The dates that are so meaningful to me will always be remembered…

January 26, February 6, February 18, June 4, December 15, December 26…

It will always be significant that my kids would probably go on wondering why does Mommy buys a cake even though there’s no particular event…

I’d probably be laughing because those were the dates where I would open my blog and type away my super long birthday greeting which I don’t know if it could personally reach them…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be humming to their songs whenever I’m bored…

I’d probably have my garden covered with plants bearing red or white flowers

I’d probably still be listening to their capellas to make myself sleep…

When people ask me of my favorite songs, I’d probably still be citing DBSK songs…

Their ballads will still be my source of strength…

Their happy songs will still be my source of smile…

Their faces will still be the source of my heart fluttering…

Their smiles will still be the source of my heart’s tears…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be smiling proudly whenever I hear or read their names or even phrases that I associated with them…

My kids would probably go wondering why I answered Jaejoong when they ask me who my favorite Hero is…

Or wonder why Mommy smiles like a fool do whenever they tell a story about Micky Mouse…

Or thinks why Mommy suddenly laughs when they tell that they’re hungry, tired or having a headache

When I become older…

I’d probably still be pausing for seconds before I answer someone who asks me ‘What time is it?’

I’d probably laugh at myself for shipping couples like YunJae, YooSu and MinFood because I’d probably reminisce at how happy I am while spazzing with my fellow Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be boasting to my kids that I have friends all over the world, which I can trust…

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling myself realizing how silly I was remembering the times I go crybaby just because I saw a member with another girl…

Then I’d probably laugh at myself because at that time, I felt it was okay if he’d be hugging another member instead.

I will remember how much laughter their dorky moments gave me…

This time, instead of laughing, I’d probably be crying… just because I miss the days…

When I became older…

My husband would probably understand me why I’d be smiling on space while I watch my kids go on a pillow fight or whenever they wear animal clothes…

I will always remember how mad I was at SM Entertainment…

I’d probably be smiling over embarrassment just because I can still remember how I was eager to kill a man together with a thousand more Cassies…

Buying bazookas, loading rifles, sharpening knives… I’d probably laugh at these things…

I will remember how I’d go crazy just seeing one of the members tweet…

And then I’d probably laugh remembering how I know that my Tlist would explode just because of that one tweet…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be feeling jealous to that Cassie that Jaejoong followed accidentally…

Or to that Cassie that Changmin has sung ‘Just The Way U Are’ to…

I’d probably go and search the world just to take a picture with the red phone booth as my background…

I’d probably smile while walking inside an oceanarium because I can imagine my boys in there just like their Mirotic concert intro movie…

My kids would probably be wondering why I am laughing when they say ‘Bonjour’

They would probably ask Mommy why she’s fond of things that are colored red…

Or asks why Mommy takes home a red balloon after attending a kid’s party…

When I became older…

 I’d probably be telling my kids my wonderful experience of being a Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be smiling at my kids while they wonder what did DBSK done to their mommy for making her love them so much…

I’d probably be telling stories about my boys rather than my own story…

My friends would probably look at me with questioning glares when they suddenly talk about their childhood favorites and mentions Final Fantasy and I laughed hysterically…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be saying ‘Dimsum Dimsum Dimsum Dimsum’ whenever I see one…

My husband would probably understand me best when I face the mirror and force myself to have mismatched eyes

I’d probably still want to spell TVXQ in the sand whenever my family would go on a trip on beaches…

My kids would probably laugh at Mommy for buying red light sticks which are supposed to be kids’ toys…

They would probably ask Mommy why she puts on five dots on every last page of their notebooks…

Or laugh at her whenever she exclaims ‘Oh My God Sun’

They would probably wonder why Mommy’s friends’ call her ‘Cassie’ or why Mommy does named their sister as ‘Cassie’

I’d probably laugh when one of my kids ask why I got five dogs named ‘Hero, U-Know, Max, Micky and Xiah’

Or asks why I go mad when they can’t spell Tong Vfang Xien Qi right.

When I became older…

I’d probably be speaking in fluent Korean and Japanese already…

I’d probably want to take a picture with the Eiffel Tower and at the Grand Canyon…

I’d probably tear up while looking at the night sky… while feelings of my Cassie self is pouring in…

I’d probably be watching DBSK concerts whenever I have the time…

This time… with my husband…

This time… with my kids…

This time… as a grown-up Cassie…

Whom her heart always remembers everything she went through as a fangirl…

That God can only tell how far this woman will go for DBSK…

And how much she loves them like her own children…

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling my most beautiful smile… realizing that I will always be a Cassiopeia by heart and that all these memories and moments that only Cassies and TVXQ themselves can understand will always be treasured. ❤

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45 thoughts on “When I Became Older…

  1. Yeeeyyyy You finally updated the blog :DDD I was waiting for it ^^ I’m always looking forward to new entries cause I really like your blog and I’ve read every entry you posted but it’s my first time commenting.. sorry for being a silent reader until now >_<
    I just wanted to say that I'm your fan. I love how you write, I wish I could express myself like that ._. and thank you for putting into words how we Cassies feel in such a beautiful way 🙂
    fighting with your blog!

    • OMGsun, thank youuu sooo much. :”) You made my day. ❤ I'm sorry I haven't been posting stuffs like this again since I'm busy at home and at school though I seriously still have a lot of things I want to say in my mind.. XD
      Thank you. Thank you. :")))) I didn't expect someone to have read all my entries.. LOL. XD

  2. omg! I’m tearing.. :’)
    during read it, i think that i may do all of the things.
    what she writes are true, and i believe its may be the most beautiful memories..

      • No . It’s ok .. I really loved it , it brought in soo many memories & beautiful times .
        I thank you for this , you have no idea how happy I’m now ❤
        Always keep the faith !

  3. hi sweetie :’> I don’t know how to say but u should know i love your post soo much :x:x:x:x:x , this post makes my day :’) I read it more than 2 times and wanna read it once again XD And today I decide to share your post and feelings to more cassie in my country, I wanna try my best to tranlate it to my language, but first of all I need your permission :”> if u don’t mind…

  4. Hi dear!

    I’m D – admin of a DBSK fanbase. Honestly, I’m moving to tears reading posts in your blog, and I wonder if I can translate some posts to Vietnamese. In fact, I translated many fan letters from melodiamuse’s blog and I took an effort to find more letters from fans to inspire V-Cassies, help them strengthen their faith and continue hoping together. I will try my best to keep the love you conveyed in words and credit your name under each posts (I can pingback if you request also).

    Thanks in advanced and have a nice day ^^~

  5. OMG sun!! i’m your fan now! i love your post so much. :’)
    if you don’t mind, I would share your post to my twitter or tumblr
    maybe with a little change (of course i’ll give you credit)
    but first of all I need your permission..
    thank you so much.. i love you ❤

  6. i crying and smiling in same time when i read this
    because of DBSK i choose marketing communication as my major in order when i become chef of marketing in multinational company i want our boys being the ambassador for our product ^^
    because if i’m a chef of marketing no one can refuse my order
    haha sound silly right? but it’s true
    and also yes i wanna named my daughter as cassiopeia and my son as micky
    why micky? because he is president of yunjae shipper^^

    thank you for write this beautiful article sis ^^

    • Awww, I’m so excited for you!!! I’m spazzing just by imagining DBSK being the ambassadors for your product! XDD Hahaha! YunJae! ❤ I missed them suddenly :"(

      Thank you too, sis. 😀

  7. and ur entry make me smiling… thanks for the beautiful entry…. i’m smiling alone in front of the laptop because of it.. it make me think about what will happened to me when i’m older.. because one day, i will leave them.. maybe i will remember them, keep the faith but, i know, one day, they will become my memory.. i can’t always be their fangirls.. they will be my best memories… and i hope, they will reunite before i need to forget anout being their fangirls….
    thanks again…

    • That’s what I’m thinking too… there will come a day when they will become just a part of my beautiful memories. :”) Always keep the faith, we’ll definitely see them back together sooner or later. ❤

  8. i want to cry because that is exactly how I will probably feel. One day… we’ll still be able to interact with other Cassies like this right? Not knowing each other, never having once met that person you keep talking to behind the screen, but feeling a sense of comfort and ease all the same. Knowing what we went through together, knowing how we kept waiting, knowing we will and still love our boys forever.

  9. this one is really good… ^^
    i love this so much, you wrote what exactly all of cassie thought, i think.
    only read it already makes me crying and smiling…
    thanks for this! XDXD

    and anyway, even i don’t know how you find my blog…
    thanks for visiting also. XD

  10. Reblogged this on Eka's Voyage and commented:
    Big thanks for the author who’ve written this beautiful post about my boys :”)). I’ll always be waiting, waiting until the time comes for the five people that I respect to be together again. No one knows when that time comes, maybe when I’ve become an old woman and not able to come watch their performance. But five of them always in my heart. It’s in my heart along with beautiful memories. So always keep the faith !

  11. Pingback: When I Became Older… | DBSKALWAYS

  12. Hello, after reading your article, I was very touched. I would like to know if I can translate it into Vietnamese. I want to share your article to my friends. Thank you very much.

  13. Pingback: When I Became Older… | livelikeawind

  14. Wow, this is from a year back, but it is so timeless to me as a Cassie. I think I probably will do almost all the things you said, and I will be totally proud of it. You’re so right, I listen to their songs when I’m down and that makes me happy again, and I listen to them at night when I can’t sleep, and pretty much any other time I can find. Even though I only discovered them a couple of years ago, even though I was a Shawol for a little while before a Cassie, even if I listen to and love other bands and groups in the future, DB5K really were my first loves and they will always have a very special place in my heart no matter what. I was never someone who got very obsessed with anything, they have utterly taken that first, and I am still so in love with their personalities and their beautiful voices. I always feel a bittersweet twinge when I listen to their songs when they were 5 as one, but I want to thank them for all that they have indirectly done for me.

    But only 3 years till the end of their SM contract, so I’m going to be doubly, triply, infinitely keeping the faith for a reunion! And they probably miss it way more than we do.
    AKTF!!
    -the Ace

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