Tag Archive | cassieforever

Please Tell Me… When?

I don’t know why…

but suddenly, I felt exceptionally sad after hearing The Boy’s Letter in my playlist that it actually made me cry… :”(

It made me stop, look back and think…

What is going on Cassiopeia right now?

How is TVXQ doing?

and stuffs like that.

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Yunho and Changmin are doing so well with their song, Catch Me and the recent one, Humanoids…

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JYJ are preparing for their album, each are having solo activities and are also doing great too…

cass

Cassiopeia, smiling brightly, as each day passes…

Seasons changing so fast…

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9th anniversary is approaching soon.

But why do I feel like I’m still stuck on the same ground? 😦

I told myself for countless times, “I have moved on. I will not cry anymore. I will be happy and smile for the both of them.”

But… why… in the midst of doing my scientific paper… did I cry by hearing JYJ’s song “The Boy’s Letter?”

I’ve been a year-old Cassie already… but why is it that I’m still like this?

Ahhh, I thought I’ve become mature with this thing but I realized…

I still haven’t changed a bit.

I’m still that childish Cassie who can’t totally accept the reality she is in.

I’m still that crybaby Cassie who still wishes the same things.

Yeah, I admit… I’m still not used to it. 😦

I’m not used to thinking TVXQ has split up. 

Whenever I’m reminded about the disbandment, my heart just…

B R E A K S </3

I admit… I want a comeback so badly…

I want TVXQ to make a comeback and show who they are to those new Kpop fans who bash them…

I want TVXQ to make a comeback and stand before Cassiopeia once more…

I want TVXQ to come back… because I felt like the existence of TVXQ having 5 members is slowly fading…

Honestly… I think a time will come, where DB5K will only be alive in the memories of a Cassie and the members itself.

Nothing more…

Nothing less…

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Christmas is nearing… if only Santa would grant my wish

 I want to see TVXQ together… so bad… even just once more atleast.

It’s been a while since I last shed tears just because I miss DBSK…

and suddenly, all of the pain and longing is flooding back.

Every bit of it.

and it hurts to say this but I admit…

No matter how many times I begged even for the friendship to remain, at least… I still find myself wanting this wish to really happen…

And it’s killing me to know that right now,

It’s the next thing to impossible.

So, tell me… when?

Because I know… no matter how long… I won’t be used to it… 

T___________T

Oh My God Sun :)

Cassies~! Have you seen Junsu’s recent tweet already??

I bet you already did. 😀

(In fact, I may be the one who’s late. XD)

.

I don’t know but… after I saw this tweet…

It felt like it’s the sweetest thing on Earth right now. :”)

So sweet that it makes me wanna cry, stop amidst doing all my term papers, screencap it and make a special post just for this…

*sigh*

We love you Junsu! 🙂

One of the best things about you…

You never change. ❤

I Fell In Love With A Guy I Could Never Have…

 

I fell in love with a guy I could never have.

We’re countries apart.

Our age gap is nine years. He’s even older than my sister.

We don’t even speak the same language.

And around millions of people in the world, it’s only a percent of probability that we could ever meet, without even talking.

He’s a guy who is successful in his own career…

a guy who knows how to cook…

a guy who doesn’t leave people behind…

a guy who knows the feeling of rejection…

a guy who is frank enough to say what he feels…

a guy who smiles and make everyone laugh, even deep inside, he’s hurting…

He is a guy who values people in his life.

Without even meeting him personally, without even having a single idea about his family background, without even knowing how intelligent he is, without even knowing what his eye color is, without even knowing his date of birth, without even knowing his type of girls, without even knowing his likes and dislikes, without even knowing how he thinks, and what his principles in life are, I fell in love with him.

I don’t know his family background, but I fell in love with him because I know that he loves them so much.

I don’t know how intelligent he is, but I fell in love with him because I know that whatever he does, he thinks about it carefully.

I don’t know what his eye color is, but I fell in love with him because I know that his eyes always speak what his heart really feels.

I don’t know his date of birth, but I fell in love with him because I know that he is God’s gift for everyone who knows him.

I don’t know his type of girls, but I fell in love with him because I know that he takes love as a serious thing and never sees it as something to be played at.

I don’t know his likes and dislikes, but I fell in love with him because I know that he doesn’t pretend to be someone he isn’t and that he is proud of his own preferences.

I don’t know how he thinks and what his principles in life are, but I fell in love with him because I know that he thinks only for the common good, as he is a person molded by rejection and poverty.

We haven’t even met personally, but I fell in love with him because I felt something in him which I couldn’t explain.

In a single moment, my eyes see only him…

my mind could only think of him…

my mouth only speaks of him…

and my heart got stolen by him.

His face is something I could never pass a day without looking at.

His voice is something I could never forget how it sounded.

His laugh is the most remarkable one I have heard in my life.

His name is something my mind always remembers even if I am the busiest person on Earth.

He has become someone I could never live without.

He is a guy from the TV screen. Every time I would see him, it’s like I don’t want the time to end.

Every time I would hear his voice, it’s like the sound of angels, which could make me smile even in my darkest moment.

Every time I would see him with another girl, it feels like my whole world would shatter.

Every time I would see him kiss another girl, even if it’s because of his job, I could never tolerate that. I feel so furious, like he is my own. I feel cheated, like he knew about me.

I feel sad, disappointed, and heart-wrenched every time I would remember, that he is a guy whom I can only see on TV screen, a guy who doesn’t even have a single idea that I existed, a guy whom, even in my dreams, is still the farthest person to reach.

It feels so hard how I imagine the day would come when he falls in love with a girl, too. He has become my everything, my love. They say if you love someone, you have to set them free, and I guess, I am never exempted in that rule. As I am just a girl from the shadows, a girl in the crowd, a girl who is hiding behind the clouds, to which he would never hardly notice and take time to be with.

It’s so painful to realize the truth yet every time I see him, my heart spells the phrase I love you.

Every time I would see him smile, I am reminded that God has a reason why he showed me that man.

I am so happy and grateful because I fell in love with him.

My days have gotten so much brighter because I fell in love with him.

I cry endless tears and sadness because I fell in love with him.

Truly, I fell in love with a guy whom I could never live without yet the guy that I could never, ever have.

I fell in love with Kim Jaejoong ❤

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, so I really feel silly after writing this one. They say that the hardest thing in being a fangirl is to fall in love with her bias and I must say that it really isssssssssss. T.T

I’m lacking sleep, I don’t feel so good yet I’m here, with a realization that after being a Cassie for 10 months, I actually fell in love with my bias ❤

Like really! I wanted to scratch myself because of this oneeeee. -____- Honestly…

Recently, Jae released a photo of him kissing his baby niece in a the cheek right? Did you know that I was slightly jealous with that one?? For real! OMGSun, I may just tear myself apart. I’m totally arguing with myself right now. -.-

Please don’t bash me like I’m a complete idiot for falling in love with her bias, okay? Because I already know! 😄

*sigh*

I just hope the best for the whole DBSK not between me and that guy above! I just might send him a hate letter… Oohhh, that sounds good. LOL, If ever I get on my mood, I’ll make a letter expressing how much I hate-love him. ❤

Goodnight guys! I need to catch up with sleep…

 

 

 

 

The Place Where You Belong

This is actually not DBSK-related but I wanted to share to you this essay I’ve written last semester. I was actually really bored and I wanted to write so I tuned on some DBSK ballads and here you go! 🙂

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wanted to write. Write a story, a fanfiction, a poem… whatever it is… I just wanted to write on a paper yet I don’t know what to write . I don’t know if this makes sense or not but there is that inner urge that makes me want to write.

As confusing as it seems, that’s just how life is. There are things you want to do yet you don’t know how. There are thing you wanted to achieve but you don’t know if you can and there are things you want to experience yet you don’t know if you ever will. Yet we… continue to keep wanting, continue in believing and continue in dreaming.

And that is FAITH…

Someone said, “faith is taking the first step even though you cannot see the whole staircase.”

In life, there are moments that ends even though you don’t want it to and there are ones which you never wished to happen but… still happens. Because in life, we couldn’t get everything we want… just the ones we need and more often, it is more than enough.

It is indeed, a ride… A roller coaster ride… even though you don’t like the loops, they are still bound to come. Just like how problems in life continue to come… They make you strong, they make you learn things and teach you how to continue believing even if the smallest possibility left is gone.

But because of faith, all doors are open leading to infinite chances of possibilities because faith makes the word impossible meaningless.

I have encountered people who wanted to take their own life just to get rid of the problems, because they think life is too hard for them or because they think that they’re born in the wrong family. In life, things like this really happen… but they are NEVER the reason to end yourself.

I believe, everything is perfect the way it is… everything has a purpose, nothing is coincidence. The fact that I’m here writing this is planned by God. 🙂 I know that things like this are given by God because He knows that we can go through this… because He believes in us… And in return, to pass through it… we must believe in Him too. ❤

Why end yourself? Why end your journey? Someone said, if you keep looking at the past, you can’t see the beauty of what lies ahead. Every individual has its own destined place and role on Earth. Each of us has a definite purpose. Why are we here? We may not know for now… but in time we WILL. ❤ Maybe you’re going to be the inventor of the flying car, the next country’s president or even the richest person on Earth! 🙂 Just one thing’s for sure… we’re here to serve and praise God… to let Him use us as instruments to reach out to unfortunate people, to become the biggest blessing each of us can possibly be.

If you can’t find happiness because you don’t know what you want to do, because you don’t know if you can achieve what you want to achieve, because you don’t know if you will experience what you want to experience, just close your eyes… Hear the soft brushing of the leaves, the birds’ chirping and the sweet humming of the wind. Feel the warmth of the sun against your skin and smell the sweet fragrance of the flowers. Feel the peace and serenity, the calmness of everything. And deep within you… happiness will unveil. Because you know that everything you felt, heard and smelled are made just for you.

Made by God, JUST FOR YOU.

Because you may not know… but you are God’s masterpiece, His most favorite creation. 🙂

All the things that you dislike… confusion, frustration, depression and disappointments are nothing compared to His unconditional love for you, for all the gifts that He gave, gives and will give you…

Nothing compared to LIFE. ❤

So don’t end your life, this is exactly the place where you belong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now Paying: Love In The Ice Classical Version :”)

You Can Never Blame Cassiopeia…

OTHER FANS: I want to see oppa!

CASSIOPEIA: I want my boys to see the red ocean in my country :”)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they’re being too proud of their boys.

You don’t know how they feel whenever DBSK dedicates an award for them or how touched they are whenever they hear the melodies that only DBSK can make. You don’t know how much DBSK is proud of Cassiopeia.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they’re being overly excited when someone commented “who’s who?” in a DBSK video.

You don’t know how much happiness they feel when new people are taking interest in DBSK because it constantly reminds them that DBSK will never fade.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if sometimes they don’t open up their minds to things that would only hurt them.

Many people are saying false rumors about the boys yet Cassiopeia constantly ignores them.

You don’t know how much pain they’ve already been through and how many tears they’ve already shed. You don’t know how it feels when you look at your favorite group’s picture and remember nothing but bittersweet memories.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they’re being very sensitive when someone opens up the topic about the lawsuit.

You don’t know how it feels like when you sleep with your wet pillow, uncertain about what news will come out tomorrow. You don’t know how heartbreaking to foresee the possibility that your favorite group would split.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they’re being too overprotective, sometimes selfish over their boys.

You don’t know how it feels when you knew that your favorite group is the one with the most crazy sasaengs in their own country. You don’t know how much worried they are when one of them are sick, in trouble or very tired.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they wanted to brag about the beautiful red ocean everywhere.

You don’t know how much strength they get when they see the beautiful legendary ocean of theirs. You don’t know how much of their pride is in there.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they cry their eyes out because of missing the boys.

You don’t know how much DBSK means to them. You don’t know how much love these Cassiopeians have for that five boys. You don’t know how unbreakable the bond of Cassiopeia and DBSK is.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they say that they only have DBSK in their eyes.

You don’t know how perfect DBSK is in their eyes. You don’t know that Jaejoong warned them not to cheat on DBSK (XD).

You can never blame Cassiopeia when they call themselves ‘family’ instead of a ‘fandom’.

You don’t know how many times they get their strength from their fellow Cassiopeians. You don’t know how big their smile is whenever they get to talk with a fellow Cassie. You don’t know how it feels when the reason you’re holding on is because of them.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they shout that they love DBSK every minute, everywhere.

You don’t know how many times DBSK mentioned and shouted how much each of them loves Cassiopeia. You don’t know how it feels when DBSK says that they are nothing without you.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they’re saying their slogan “Always keep the faith” everywhere.

You don’t know how it feels when you’re holding onto something that’s so little that all you got to do is to hold on tighter. You don’t know how it feels when the future is unknown and that you have to constantly remind yourself to keep your faith.

You can never blame Cassiopeia if they feel like they’re the strongest family out there.

You don’t know every bit of pain they felt. You don’t know the details, you don’t know. You don’t know how much tears they’re already shed yet still continue to smile. You don’t know how it feels when you hurt too much that you could only give up yet they still continue to stand up and hope. You don’t know how many downfalls and heartbreaks they’ve experienced yet they still continue to keep the faith.

and you can never blame me, a Cassiopeia, for posting this.

You don’t know how it feels when some Kpop fan blames your family for being oversensitive persons or blaming and accusing them for being too boastful and stuffs. You don’t know how it feels when someone who is ignorant about everything tries to badmouth someone very superior.

I stand up for my fandom and family and that’s all that matters.

You don’t know anything so stop blaming… stop accusing…

You can never blame Cassiopeia because you don’t know a thing this family has been into. Just because their boys aren’t together to protect them, you cannot blame them. You can never accuse of them of being anything. In fact, they’re pretty much the most patient fandom there is. The most loyal and faithful, I must say ❤

Respect them. Empathize with them first before you say anything because by just showing you a picture of the red ocean, all you can do is walk away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

and hey! I was just following what our dear Jaejoongie told us:

“Cassiopeia, show that you’re undefeated.”

-cassieFOREVER-

When I Became Older…

I’ve written this while listening to Music Box versions of DBSK’s songs… :”)

It just came to my mind… how would I be if I get older?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling at the things that would remind me of my fangirling days…

Red balloons…

stars…

letter W…

number 5…

the word ‘faith’…

Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be smiling unconsciously seeing an animal that I have always associated with them…

Rhinoceros… Elephants… Dolphins… Ducks… Rabbits… Deer…

My kids would probably ask Mommy why is she fond of taking these animals’ pictures while we are strolling around the zoo…

or why does Mommy is overly jealous with a random cat who crossed the street especially with the gray ones…

When I became older…

I’d probably be laughing remembering how I force myself to learn their hard choreography…

I bet I’d be boasting my kids how their mommy is a very good dancer during her teenage years…

I’d probably be tearing up remembering how dedicated I am to my boys… and how many dorky and random things I’ve done just for them…

That I once nearly crashed the mouse just because I wanted Yunho to win on allkpop poll…

That I once literally jumped out of happiness inside a department store just because I saw a Tohoshinki album…

That I slept with my wet pillow numerous nights already…

That I told my whole family that Jaejoong is in a relationship with me

That I once felt my blood boiled in anger reading that blogsite which I now hate, hate, hate…

That I’m once a trying hard Korean-speaker wanna be and tweets JYJ with senseless things

That I became a wise money spender just because I want to buy an album…

That I stayed up late at nights just to wait for the release of a new song…

That I always have this weird dreams about them…

That I always laugh in front of my laptop because I was replacing DBSK song titles with weird words…

That I actually visited an Anti site just to understand their reasons why they hate DBSK…

That I have a hard drive full of their videos only

That I registered myself in a Homin stan site just to download videos to add in my collection…

That I have written stories about me and Jaejoong or whoever member I want to pair myself up with

That I once filled a glass bottle with little red paper stars which contains reasons why I love DBSK…

That I never forget to thank God for introducing me DBSK…

And then I’d probably laugh hard remembering how I disliked DBSK at first

How I ignored them for years…

How I used to turn off that television whenever TVXQ or JYJ is in…

And how suddenly, after searching mirotic in youtube, in just an hour… the magical story began

When I became older…

I’d probably still be reminiscing how I fell in love with my boys…

Yeah, I’d probably still be calling them my boys…

Even if they’re older than me… or even if they have their own families already…

Because even if I became a mother, I would never forget how I felt like I’m the one who took care of DBSK…

The dates that are so meaningful to me will always be remembered…

January 26, February 6, February 18, June 4, December 15, December 26…

It will always be significant that my kids would probably go on wondering why does Mommy buys a cake even though there’s no particular event…

I’d probably be laughing because those were the dates where I would open my blog and type away my super long birthday greeting which I don’t know if it could personally reach them…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be humming to their songs whenever I’m bored…

I’d probably have my garden covered with plants bearing red or white flowers

I’d probably still be listening to their capellas to make myself sleep…

When people ask me of my favorite songs, I’d probably still be citing DBSK songs…

Their ballads will still be my source of strength…

Their happy songs will still be my source of smile…

Their faces will still be the source of my heart fluttering…

Their smiles will still be the source of my heart’s tears…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be smiling proudly whenever I hear or read their names or even phrases that I associated with them…

My kids would probably go wondering why I answered Jaejoong when they ask me who my favorite Hero is…

Or wonder why Mommy smiles like a fool do whenever they tell a story about Micky Mouse…

Or thinks why Mommy suddenly laughs when they tell that they’re hungry, tired or having a headache

When I become older…

I’d probably still be pausing for seconds before I answer someone who asks me ‘What time is it?’

I’d probably laugh at myself for shipping couples like YunJae, YooSu and MinFood because I’d probably reminisce at how happy I am while spazzing with my fellow Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be boasting to my kids that I have friends all over the world, which I can trust…

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling myself realizing how silly I was remembering the times I go crybaby just because I saw a member with another girl…

Then I’d probably laugh at myself because at that time, I felt it was okay if he’d be hugging another member instead.

I will remember how much laughter their dorky moments gave me…

This time, instead of laughing, I’d probably be crying… just because I miss the days…

When I became older…

My husband would probably understand me why I’d be smiling on space while I watch my kids go on a pillow fight or whenever they wear animal clothes…

I will always remember how mad I was at SM Entertainment…

I’d probably be smiling over embarrassment just because I can still remember how I was eager to kill a man together with a thousand more Cassies…

Buying bazookas, loading rifles, sharpening knives… I’d probably laugh at these things…

I will remember how I’d go crazy just seeing one of the members tweet…

And then I’d probably laugh remembering how I know that my Tlist would explode just because of that one tweet…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be feeling jealous to that Cassie that Jaejoong followed accidentally…

Or to that Cassie that Changmin has sung ‘Just The Way U Are’ to…

I’d probably go and search the world just to take a picture with the red phone booth as my background…

I’d probably smile while walking inside an oceanarium because I can imagine my boys in there just like their Mirotic concert intro movie…

My kids would probably be wondering why I am laughing when they say ‘Bonjour’

They would probably ask Mommy why she’s fond of things that are colored red…

Or asks why Mommy takes home a red balloon after attending a kid’s party…

When I became older…

 I’d probably be telling my kids my wonderful experience of being a Cassiopeia…

I’d probably be smiling at my kids while they wonder what did DBSK done to their mommy for making her love them so much…

I’d probably be telling stories about my boys rather than my own story…

My friends would probably look at me with questioning glares when they suddenly talk about their childhood favorites and mentions Final Fantasy and I laughed hysterically…

When I became older…

I’d probably still be saying ‘Dimsum Dimsum Dimsum Dimsum’ whenever I see one…

My husband would probably understand me best when I face the mirror and force myself to have mismatched eyes

I’d probably still want to spell TVXQ in the sand whenever my family would go on a trip on beaches…

My kids would probably laugh at Mommy for buying red light sticks which are supposed to be kids’ toys…

They would probably ask Mommy why she puts on five dots on every last page of their notebooks…

Or laugh at her whenever she exclaims ‘Oh My God Sun’

They would probably wonder why Mommy’s friends’ call her ‘Cassie’ or why Mommy does named their sister as ‘Cassie’

I’d probably laugh when one of my kids ask why I got five dogs named ‘Hero, U-Know, Max, Micky and Xiah’

Or asks why I go mad when they can’t spell Tong Vfang Xien Qi right.

When I became older…

I’d probably be speaking in fluent Korean and Japanese already…

I’d probably want to take a picture with the Eiffel Tower and at the Grand Canyon…

I’d probably tear up while looking at the night sky… while feelings of my Cassie self is pouring in…

I’d probably be watching DBSK concerts whenever I have the time…

This time… with my husband…

This time… with my kids…

This time… as a grown-up Cassie…

Whom her heart always remembers everything she went through as a fangirl…

That God can only tell how far this woman will go for DBSK…

And how much she loves them like her own children…

When I became older…

I’d probably be smiling my most beautiful smile… realizing that I will always be a Cassiopeia by heart and that all these memories and moments that only Cassies and TVXQ themselves can understand will always be treasured. ❤

Cassiopeia Confession #4

“I honestly lost interest in the bands I used to like before I met TVXQ.”

Whenever there are news of new song releases, I wasn’t that excited as I used to before. It seems like they have become just another group for me. I still give a little time to watch them of course but the spark has been long gone. They don’t give the WOW factor anymore. It’s true, I still like a few songs and there are still one or two songs from them that makes it in my playlist but…

I’m sorry. I have now become just another person who knows you and your songs.